T&T: Preparing for war with Barbados

As this column is written our nation appears to be silently mobilising for war and the legions of Emperor (Patrick) Augustus mass to fight off the invasion of the insidious barbarian hordes from Barbados. Rest assured that our gallant fleet — all two working boats — stands ready to repel any attack. What is really worrying is our complete lack of air defenses. You never know — the Flying Fish might side with the Bajans and launch an attack on our strategic installations. Else, they might declare independence and seek a UN peacekeeping force to ward off the Bajans and Trinidadians and their nefarious fishing boats. It behoves any patriotic Trinidadian to stand ready and sharpen your cutlass. We need to be careful not to blow this thing with Barbados out of proportion. Strong legal defense of our position in the UN needs to be done. They’ve handled many disputes like this before. The Government of Trinidad and Tobago have already indicated that this legalistic route is the manner in which the issue is being directed at least by Trinidad and Tobago. A confrontation between Trinidad and Tobago and Barbados will be interesting. Militarily, it would be a clash between two anorexic midgets. The BDF has around 610 men under arms compared to around 3000 for the TTDF. They are similarly armed and comparably trained and both lack combat experience. No armoured vehicles or artillery exist, though the TTDF did operate seven Shorland armoured cars which are now non-operationals (typical mentality). Heaviest weapons are 81mm mortars and some B-300 rocket launchers.