Thursday, March 25, 2004

U.S.: But I still haven't found what I'm looking for!

Israel Defense Forces paratroopers caught a Palestinian boy [Hussam Abdu from Nablus] aged 14 wearing an explosive belt at the Hawara roadblock, south of Nablus, in the West Bank on Wednesday afternoon.
Abdu told soldiers of his dream of receiving 72 virgins in heaven, which his dispatchers had promised him, and said that he had been tempted by the promise of sexual relations with the virgins... and that he had wanted "to be a hero."
How 'bout somebody introduce him to Pamela Hannah?
background music: "the greatest love of all is easy to achieve; learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all!"

Too lonely?
background music: "Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely! I've got nobody, to call on the phone!"

He wants 72?
background music: "Get up! get on up! Get up! get on up! get on the scene, get on up! like a sex machine! get on up!

Okay. How 'bout a real girlfriend?
background music: "would you laugh if I asked you to laugh; would you dance, oh please tell me this! would you cry, if you saw me crying? Oh, please be my girl tonight! I could be your hero, baby!"

No? family dishonor? honor killing? Dag!
background music: "daddy please don't, it wasn't her fault, she means so much to me! Daddy please don't, we're gonna get married, just you wait and see!

Okay, how 'bout if the Best Little Whorehouse in Texas were moved to Nablus with a pile of Marvin Gaye CDs?
background music: "I'm your private dancer, a dancer for money, I'll do what you want me to do! I'm your private dancer, a dancer for money, and any old music will do!"

No? Burqa? Stone them?
background music: "the night, they burnt old Dixie down, and all the bells were ringing! The night, they burnt old Dixie down, and all the people were singing, they went la-da-da-da-da-dada-da-da-da-de-da-da-da-da!"

Damn! How 'bout Klaus Nomie or RuPaul?
background music: "don't tell me what to do! don't tell me what to say! please let me live my life!... I'm young! and I want to be young! I'm free! and I want to be free!"

No? Burqa? Stone him? Okay in Saudi and Afghanistan?
background music: "macho, macho man! I wanna be a macho man! Macho, macho man! I wanna be a macho!"

Dag! Whoda thunk it! So what's left? Bomb belt?
background music: "Whoop! there it is! Whoop! there it is!"

Dag! So it's okay to kill but not okay to have sex?
background music: "I can't get no-o sa-tis-fac-tion! I can't get no-o sa-tis-fac-tion!and I try! and I try! and I try!!! I can't get no-o!!sa-tis-fac-tion!"

Alright. Gotcha!


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