Thursday, July 29, 2004

U.S.: What, pray tell,...

is so cute about John Edwards?

I am a healthy heterosexual woman whose primary weakness is my healthy appreciation for the opposite sex. So, why oh why am I unable to see the cuteness of John Edwards?

It's not because he's white. I've drooled over white guys I've found drool-worthy. Heck, a fine looking man is a fine looking man whatever his race. I mean, I have to watch The Last Samurai with a bath towel cuz of Ken Watanabe. Tom Cruise? Who's that? He's got fat, square buns, and Watanabe acted him off the stage. I've even drooled over an Indian friend from the sub-continent, guy named Rohit. Not a muscle in sight. A long, lean, silent type. Very sweet. I'm an equal opportunity drooler.

So, why does John Edwards not get my salivary glands going? I don't see the boyishness that other women see when they look at the Breck Girl. Instead, I see a slickster with a line of patter designed to tug at the heart strings. A smart-man, as we'd say in TT. I see a lightweight who masks lack of depth with appeals to emotion. None of this is helped by my discovery that in almost six years in the Senate, Edwards hasn't done anything of substance, and he's been well nigh missing for the last year and a half. I look at his face in repose before he flashes the high wattage smile, and I don't like what I see there. The smile is a mask. The smile as mask.

C'mon, tell me, do I need to change my glasses? Do I need to clean them? What am I missing? Do tell. What?

Lemme go get a towel, turn the DVD on, and watch The Last Samurai.

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